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M'K

Organized Chaos

Random thoughts from the depths of my abyss
1 hour ago. July 15, 2025 at 8:14 PM

I Miss the Girl I Had to Outgrow
She believed in people.
Believed that if you were kind,
they’d be kind back.
That love was gentle.
That loyalty meant something.

She smiled more.
Laughed louder.
Asked for less.

And I miss her.
Even though I had to let her go
to make it through this world.

1. The World Didn’t Break Her—It Trained Her
Every betrayal chipped at her.
Every silence taught her to be quieter.
Every “I love you” that ended in hurt
rewrote her definition of trust.

She didn’t vanish overnight.
She was unlearned.
Unloved.
Undone.

Until survival became her only language.

2. I Had to Choose: Keep Her or Keep Breathing
The girl I was wanted connection.
Belonging.
Softness.

But those things kept getting her hurt.
So I learned to harden.
To joke instead of cry.
To leave before I’m left.

Not because I’m heartless.
But because I ran out of places to be whole.

3. She Was Sweet—But They Called It Weak
They loved her warmth
until it made them uncomfortable.
Until her needs became inconvenient.
Until her hope made them feel guilty.

So she stopped showing up fully.
And I became the version of me
that was easier to love from a distance.

4. I Keep Looking for Her in the Mirror
Sometimes, when I laugh a certain way—
I hear her.

When a song plays that we used to cry to—
I feel her.

She’s not gone.
She’s just buried beneath the armor.

And maybe one day,
I’ll feel safe enough to let her come back.

5. Final Word: I Didn’t Lose Her—I Protected Her
She was too tender for this world.
Too forgiving.
Too believing.

So I built walls around her.
Not to erase her—
but to keep her safe.

Because even though the world didn’t deserve her,
I still do.

~ TF

Stop assuming it’s another man just because she doesn’t treat you the same. Stop jumping to conclusions, pointing fingers, or accusing her of moving on before you've even looked at yourself in the mirror. Maybe... just maybe, it’s you.

 

Maybe it’s your actions that changed her. Maybe it’s not that someone else is giving her attention....it’s that you stopped giving her a reason to keep pouring her heart into someone who keeps draining her.


Sometimes a woman pulls back because she’s exhausted... not unfaithful.
She’s tired of repeating herself, tired of feeling like she’s the only one showing up, the only one trying, the only one fighting to keep something alive while you act like it’s all fine.

 

She’s emotionally drained from pretending like things haven’t changed, when deep down, she knows they have. She’s not colder because she’s hiding something. She’s colder because she’s been slowly freezing from all the love she’s given that hasn’t been returned.


You stopped noticing the little things. You stopped communicating with care. You stopped being consistent, affectionate, attentive. You stopped making her feel like she mattered. And now that she’s changed, now that she’s not smiling the same or laughing as much, you’re convinced it must be another man.


But what if it’s just that she’s done asking you to show up? What if she’s so emotionally tired that detachment is her only peace?

 

It’s easier to blame another man than to take accountability. It’s easier to create a narrative in your head than to accept the truth: she changed because you did. And if you’re not careful, she won’t just treat you differently… she’ll quietly walk away, and you’ll be left wondering how a woman who gave you everything had nothing left for you in the end.


She didn't stop loving you… she stopped fighting for someone who never fought back.
So no...it’s not always another man.

~ JH

She is an aggressive yet submissive woman, and if you’re already confused, darling, you’re not ready for her. She is not a riddle for you to solve, she’s the answer you’ve never been brave enough to ask for. Her presence is thunder on a summer night—impossible to ignore, intoxicating, and yes, a little dangerous if you’re standing in the wrong place.

She doesn’t just walk into a room; she owns it. She’ll meet your gaze with a challenge in her eyes and a smirk on her lips, daring you to underestimate her. Go ahead, try. She’ll eat your assumptions for breakfast and ask for seconds. She’s the woman who sets boundaries with a smile and burns bridges with style—because she knows some roads are better left behind her.

Her aggression is not a defense mechanism; it’s her birthright. It’s the way she carves her space in a world that tried to tell her to be small, be quiet, be agreeable. She decided long ago that she’d rather be respected than liked, and the difference is written in every confident step she takes. She is ambition in heels, wit in a dress, fire in lipstick.

But don’t get it twisted: underneath that bold exterior is a softness she protects like sacred gold. She is both sword and shield, but she’s also the gentle hand that soothes your wounds. She can be your fiercest rival or your most loyal ally—the choice is yours, but the outcome is always on her terms.

She will dominate you if you show up indecisive, unfocused, or unsure. She doesn’t have patience for men who stumble through life waiting for her to lead. She’s already doing that for herself. Give her nothing to follow, and she’ll simply leave you in the dust, lipstick unsmudged, ego intact. She’s not here to mother a grown man who lost his way; she’s looking for a king, not a lost boy.

She is confident enough to walk alone, intelligent enough to see through your bravado, and independent enough to never need you—but she wants you, and that’s so much more powerful. If you think you can buy her submission with power plays or pretty words, prepare to be humbled. She’s fluent in the language of bullshit, and she’s not afraid to call you out in front of an audience.

For her, trust is an investment, not a charity. You don’t get her loyalty on a trial run; you earn it with consistency, respect, and a masculine energy that doesn’t shrink from her intensity. If you create safety with your presence, not fear with your control, then—and only then—will she hand you the keys to her softer side.

She submits the way a lioness rests: not because she’s tamed, but because she chooses to trust. Her submission is the ultimate act of confidence. She gives it to the man who’s earned it, not the one who demands it. Don’t confuse her choice to let you lead as weakness; it’s a privilege, not a right, and it can be revoked at any sign of disrespect.

She needs a man who knows who he is, where he’s going, and why he wants her at his side. If you lack direction, she’ll find her own. If you waver, she’ll move on. Her time is currency and she spends it only on those who can multiply her value, not diminish it. Consistency is her aphrodisiac, and clarity is her foreplay.

You can’t impress her with a title or a bank account. She’s seen all that before and left it behind when it didn’t come with real substance. She wants presence, not pretense. She craves a man whose leadership is felt, not flaunted—a man whose strength is measured not in control, but in the safety and space he creates for her to unfold.

She doesn’t need your approval. She doesn’t want your permission. She’s not here to fit into your world; she’s building her own, brick by brick, crown by crown. If you can’t respect her mind, hold her heart, or cherish her soul, you can keep scrolling. She will not shrink for you. She will not play small so you can feel big.

Yet, for the man who gets it—who brings presence, direction, and respect—she will melt. She will let down her walls, let you see the parts of her that softness built, not the world. She will nurture you, inspire you, love you with a loyalty that makes other men jealous and other women take notes. She will be your peace, your storm, your sanctuary.

She is not “difficult to understand.” She’s just not for the faint of heart. If you want easy, swipe left. If you want ordinary, look elsewhere. But if you want a woman who will challenge you, grow you, worship you—if you earn it—and make you feel like the king you are, you better show up as your best self, every damn day.

She doesn’t respond to control; she responds to clarity. She doesn’t follow orders; she follows vision. Bring her your dreams, your plans, your purpose—and watch her become the wind at your back, the fire in your belly, the calm in your chaos.

Don’t come at her with half-hearted energy. She’ll see it, call it out, and walk away before you even realize you’ve been left behind. She’s not afraid of being alone—she’s afraid of wasting her time. Be real, or be gone.

She is the kind of woman who will inspire you to level up or get left behind. She’ll expect you to bring your best, and if you don’t, she’ll leave you better than she found you, with a lesson you won’t forget. Her standards are a ladder, not a cage.

She will never be tamed, but she can be trusted. She will never be owned, but she can be loved. She will never be controlled, but she can be led—by a man who leads himself first.

She is not your trophy. She is not your shadow. She is your equal, your mirror, your muse. She will make you question yourself and thank her for it. She will challenge you and make you grateful for it. She will love you and make you better for it.

So, no, it’s not a contradiction. She is both aggressive and submissive, fierce and soft, untamable and devoted. She is the fire you can’t control and the warmth you crave. She is balance—untamed, unbothered, unapologetically herself.

If you are man enough to meet her where she is, to match her energy and honor her spirit, you will discover a love that is both wild and grounding, passionate and peaceful. You will find a woman who can rule beside you, not behind you.

And if you ever forget what it takes to keep her, just remember: she doesn’t need a man to control her. She needs a man strong enough to lead her, smart enough to respect her, and secure enough to never lose her in the process.

Because, darling, she is not for the faint of heart. She is for the man who can handle a woman who is both the storm and the calm after. And if you’re lucky enough to be that man, you’ll never want for anything again—except, maybe, more time with her fire."

-Steve De'lano Garcia

 

Today's Vibe

 

Happy 4th of July!!

Today's Vibe: 

Due to it being Canada Day, I was able to sleep in and get one of the best sleeps I've had in a long time.

As with getting a large amount of sleep, I had a couple of different dreams. My first dream had a mix of regular events, with some sci-fi shit, that likely spawned from some movie I watched with my evil minions, recently. It wasn't scary or traumatizing, it was mostly entertaining. Sometimes, that happens when my brain is trying to process something without all the pieces. 

My second dream, however, was a whole different ball game. Have you ever had a dream so real that you questioned if it really happened when you wake up? Well, I have. 

Since BDSM is very much about the mental stimulation for me, I've had this happen a few times in my life. Have you ever had a sex dream that stimulated your brain so much, you actually orgasmed in your sleep? Well, I have. You are half-awake, questioning if it actually happened. Your body still riding the high, clouding your head as you try to process the recent events. A mixture of confusion and euphoria circles your brain. Then, the cold wet puddle under you pierces through your thoughts, snapping you back to reality.

You grudgingly get up and change your sheets, trying not to open your eyes. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can get back to sleep. You try your best to not wake up more than necessary. When you crawl back under the covers, you close your eyes hoping to return back to that place. 

Of course, you're never able to get back to that dream, no matter how hard you try. 

I've heard most women, have sex dreams, about celebrity heartthrobs. While that is all well and good, that's not my cup of tea. 

What if it involved someone you knew? Would you tell them? 

Happy Canada Day, eh?

 




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