I have a real problem with the very popular “Put your hopes and dreams into the universe and believe it will happen, and you’ll see it happen” mentality. It sounds inspiring and a little magical, right? Is it?
While I firmly believe in shaping our internal story with hope and optimism, I don’t believe in the universe will make it happen mentality. The story we tell ourselves about ourselves does matter, it does have a profound effect on our perception of ourselves and the way we experience the world.
However, the belief that we can wait for life to give us what we deserve is toxic. It tells us that it’s okay to stand by and let life happen to us, it tells us we aren’t responsible for our own existence, and it is ultimately a disappointment because the universe rarely follows through. Thus, you end up feeling like a failure, like you aren’t worthy of being magically blessed by the universe with all your hopes and dreams. You can not stop at the manifestation part, you have to follow up every single day with dedication and commitment to yourself.
So do your vision boards, write out your hopes and dreams, but add to that a true plan that you are in control of and responsible for executing. Make sacrifices, endure hardship, and make life happen for you, not to you. Take calculated risks, put yourself into uncomfortable situations, experience failures as a stepping stone, and YOU shape yourself into what you want to become. You aren’t important to the universe but you are important to the world that you create within that universe.
To tie this in to the BDSM world, I’ll say this. Define what you want and need, but don’t wait for it to land on your doorstep in a perfect little package. If you want a lifelong, meaningful relationship be brave enough to make sacrifices and compromise.
I had zero interest in a long distance relationship, 2 hours away was the maximum I would consider, until I met Daddy. Daddy also wasn’t thrilled about a long distance thing, but we also couldn’t deny our connection. We both decided to sacrifice a few years to get our lives to the point where we could come together, we work at it, we endure challenges, and we experience (like recently) failures as a learning opportunity. We forgive each other, and allow each other to be human and imperfect while also expecting the other to grow from the failures.
The real question is how long are you going to wait for your ideal match to show up, 2 years, 5 years, 10? Now what if you spent that time being a little uncomfortable, and giving up the short term to ultimately obtain the long term?
You might see it as wasted time, but I see it as investment. Maybe your almost perfect mate has appeared, but he/she isn’t physically fit, maybe he/she doesn’t always remember the things that are important to you, maybe they don’t have the best career, so what do you do with that? Invest in them, don’t discard them.
Don’t make a stupid investment, don’t waste your energy on someone who drains you for everything you have, but if this person is willing to put in the work and sacrifices required, then they are worth taking the risk of your investment. Or haunt these halls for the next 10 years and wonder why the universe didn’t give you what you deserve.